The recent pandemic outbreak of coronavirus is evidence that we got shipped the wrong year 2020, we need a refund. Coronavirus disease is commonly known as COVID19.
But I’m not here to lecture you. You know coronavirus started as a “joke,” many Nigerians assumed it would never get to Nigeria because the weather is too hot for the virus.
Meanwhile, others just concluded that China is another continent far away from Africa – these people forget we live in the 21st century where airplanes exist.
However, Nigerians are strangely reactional, and it would probably take a zombie apocalypse to shake the confidence of a typical Nigerian. But these reactions quickly escalated from hilarious twitter memes to sour comments like “what is the government doing about coronavirus?” “Please close the borders now!” “Lockdown, Nigeria!”.
You’re probably part of those that think coronavirus existing in Nigeria is a hoax – the government’s ploy to squander the national budget. Below are some categories of hilarious personalities you’ll notice the coronavirus inspired.
Hilarious Personalities During the Coronavirus Pandemic
Now is the right time to take a deep breath. Drink some water and read on to find out if you are one of the people making the coronavirus pandemic hilarious.
Uncertified Coronavirus Doctors
You remember those “fast tested cures” on WhatsApp broadcast you got when the coronavirus entered the country? These uncertified doctors champion this movement. They probably specialized in medicine or anatomy, but the sad thing is that they couldn’t get any degree – guess why? Because they are audio doctors and never saw the four corners of a laboratory.
But they are faster than the World Health Organization to dash out unsolicited advice. Moreover, they already manufactured a cure before the coronavirus existed. They also propagated the agenda that cow urine, garlic, or ice cream gets rid of the virus – wonders shall never end. However, you’ll just admire their dedication and commitment to the spread of fake news if people channeled that much energy into nation-building. Nigeria will have fast trains at the moment.
Drop Out Historians
These groups of people specialize in prediction and conjuring their data to make sense of the coronavirus pandemic. They have even discovered other mutations on their own. They traced the virus back to Wuhan and continued their thesis.
Drop out historians are always defensive and plan to publish “The History of Coronavirus- a case of edible bats and snakes” as an ebook soon. Are you familiar with a viral photo tweet about a book stating how the virus will affect humans and other things not approved by CNN?
Watch out for them because they are more knowledgeable than google and amazon put together. They’ve got a passion for the forgotten aspects of history. These groups are more likely to call coronavirus the “Chinese virus” – absolutely racist.
Overly Religious Ones A.K.A Coronavirus terminator
These are mostly your uncles and aunts, but sometimes your friends; they are the mouth of the gods. This class of individuals listens to their pastors more than the government. Similarly, the social distancing rule doesn’t apply to them.
You know why? Their pastor just launched a “3-day Coronavirus Must Die by Fire” crusade.
They should start a healing blog already. Overly religious Nigerians will drench themselves in anointing oil instead of practicing social distancing. You can attest to the fact that they need some form of urgent group quarantine. They believe that the virus is only God’s anger poured on humans because of numerous sins. Therefore, God will take away the virus only when you pray enough. They are hell-bent on praying the pandemic away because prayers are more effective than medicine.
Everyone has a friend in this category, and they are cousins of the drop out historians. The significant difference is that the conspiracy theorists can show you approved publications that never existed to back up their claims.
They believe that the virus was created in the laboratory by the Americans to wipe out the Chinese population.
For instance, conspiracy theorists see the grey in every colored information they receive from the media. If you watch closely, you’ll see them on twitter with claims that Returnees were paid by the white man to bring the coronavirus to Nigeria.
They believe that white people want to erase Africans from the map – you bet!.
You will love their attention to details and scrutinization skills. Their second theory, with unstable guesses on anthropology, is that the universe is detoxing. Therefore, coronavirus is like the birth control method of mother nature. I mean, the CIA should hire them already – imagine the Venn diagram of lies.
Nonchalant Humans –
This kind of person made the hashtag #COVIDidiots trend on Twitter. The nonchalant humans are still on the hunt for the next house party to attend. They have no reason to be outside.
But for some reason, best known to them, they want to roam the earth at this critical moment. Suddenly they are proposing a visit to your house with the excuse of boredom.
Above all, to them, their immune systems have been fortified by their local juju man- ode oshi refurbished. They could care less about personal hygiene or self-isolation, either.
Therefore, they believe that life is too short to live in fear, and to them, freedom is better than anything. They would risk their lives to go outside. In my opinion, try to avoid them. Because if they want to catch the coronavirus, you shouldn’t be their vessel of transmission.
Coronavirus Panic Buttons
“We are all going to die!” is their slogan. If you stay close to this type of personality, you might call your lawyer soon and draft your will. Overreaction to the coronavirus is their motto.
Again, their strength lies in arithmetics because they can quickly crunch the exponential rate of the pandemic, and conclude that the world ends in 2020.
Besides, they’ve likely installed a type of mental sieve to their brain to help them focus on only the number of humans getting infected or dying from the coronavirus. Since they believe we might all die soon, my advice to you is to call them and ask for the money you borrowed them- online transfers only. You know it’s best to stick to cashless transactions during this coronavirus pandemic because we understand that the 100 naira note has toured far and wide.
The Born Ready
This set of people were the founders of salt cures ebola. Now they have upgraded to drinking ogogoro cures the coronavirus. They wear face masks, carry a carton of hand sanitizers around.
Similarly, I can assure you that they bought all the medical supplies from the pharmacy- precisely the cause of price hikes. If the coronavirus pandemic turns into a zombie apocalypse, they will survive.
So they are quite prepared for anything. If it were possible, they would drink hand sanitizers or even spray it on their meal just to stay safe.
They are risk-takers and the human version of a migraine if you think too deeply about it(they even sanitizer their pillows). This group will instead buy an extra dozen of hand sanitizers than a bag of ijebu garri. As a result, one might wonder what they plan to eat if there’s a lockdown – maybe face masks?.
Follow these Safety Measures for Coronavirus
Most importantly, regardless of the category you fall under, this isn’t the time to argue with the universe. Coronavirus can affect your respiratory organs, so prevention is better than cure.
Again, your safety is the safety of the nation. Therefore, practice these steps.
FUN FACT: At the moment of publishing this article, there’re 65 confirmed cases of the coronavirus in Nigeria. But a percentage of the population are still in doubt concerning the existence of COVID19 in naija.
Do the Five to Help Stop Coronavirus
- HANDS; Wash them often
- ELBOW; Cough into it
- FACE; Don’t touch it
- SPACE; Keep a safe distance
- HOME; Stay if you can
If you feel persistent coronavirus symptoms, contact the nearest hospital around you to get tested or call the Nigeria Centre for Disease Control. So, forget the rumors you heard, coronavirus is real, and we can fight it together.
What Personality Category Do You Fall Under?
- Uncertified doctors
- Dropout historians
- Overly religious ones
- Conspiracy theorists
- Nonchalant humans
- Panic buttons
- Born ready
Do you love TikTok? Check out these amateur skits!
I’m convinced that a lot of you will find your COVID19 personalities above. Moreover, share this write up with your friends and find out if they fall into any of the characters mentioned.
If not, leave a comment on how you are currently reacting to the coronavirus pandemic.